A rough week: A rant of sorts....

Levi is in the throes of his first cold and he is miserable. My ordinarily jolly baby is a continuous fountain of mucus, snot and tears. Last night, after a particularly rough spell, we fell asleep on the couch together; his sweaty little body draped over mine like a panther on a branch. Amelia and Claire have been hacking up their lungs for what feels like five weeks now. I can't even count how many times our entire household has been awake at 4am to administer medicine, and/or soothe children back to sleep after their coughs and woken them or their siblings. *Sigh*


I feel rather restless and irritable these days. My home is a perpetual mess, despite my best efforts to keep it tidy.  I see dust and crumbs EVERYWHERE, regardless of the fact that I sweep at least twice a day.  My couch is pilling and stained, the counter is covered with dishes, the beds are unmade and I have snot in my hair.   Sometimes motherhood is blissful and other times it feels like complete and utter drudgery.  This week has felt a lot like the later.  Weeks like this make me want to yell and a stuff my face with chocolate. Literally.

Right now Levi is napping, Amelia is at Kindergarten, Claire is in preschool and Nathaniel is out running errands. I am relishing the quiet and enjoying a mason jar of piping hot tea. Ordinarily, I would be making sandwiches, answering the phone, helping Amelia spell sentences, all the while bouncing a very cranky baby on my hip and an attention starved preschooler clinging to my foot. GAH! It's no wonder that at the end of the day all that I can do is flop down on the couch and watch re-runs of Downton Abby. I often stay up too late, trying to delay the inevitable; the fact that tomorrow I have to do it all over again.

 You would think that with two adults at home we would be a hive of productivity. We have good days from time to time, but this week we have been zombies just trying to keep our heads above water. Hopefully when our girls stop coughing up their lungs at night and Levi's health improves we will be to start tackling some spring cleaning, but for now, we are in survival mode. That being said, we certainly have it a lot better than people did in the Tudor times. I can't even fathom how people raised small children during those days. Now THAT was true drudgery. I am living a fairy tale in comparison.

There is something about January that is always dismal. Dark mornings, uninviting weather, cranky children and the monotony of day to day responsibilities. Christmas is a distant memory and Easter is  a long ways off.  Spring, however, is on its way. I was washing the dishes the other day and noticed that the snowdrops had begun to push through the earth. New life.

.

These days....

Reading
Raising Your Spirited Child, The English-Greek Interlinear New Testament,  Faith Unraveled

Attempting
To turn the blog Nathaniel and I kept when we were traveling around the world into a photo book.
 

Watching
Downton Abby, Tudor Monastery Farm, and House of Bryan
 

Trying
To run and lift weights on a regular basis

Baking

Granola bars, Raspberry quinoa muffins, Coconut cookies

Learning
How to use my Digital SLR camera properly
 

Drinking
Honey and lemon (to ease my sore throat)

Scrapping
Levi's birth story

Waiting
For my woven wrap from Berlin to arrive- its finally on its way!

Reserving
Some camping spots at Tofino's Bella Pacifica with some friends.
 

Loving
That my studio/guest room is no longer full of furniture. (Sold all of it).
 

Hating
The fact that Levi has decided to start waking up at 6am every morning. Gah!
 

Enjoying
Head massages in the evening after the children go to bed.
 

Thinking
About theology, and the Greek words "ego iemi" ( I AM)

Feeling
Low, tired and unmotivated.

Listening
To a lot of Amanda Cook
 

Smelling
The delicious organic smell of propolis (something bees make that is good for you)

 

Starting
Another year of project life and excited about documenting another year of precious memories.
 

 

Perfectly imperfect

Sometimes my favorite photos are not the ones the look the best, but rather, the ones that evoke the most emotion.

Asking difficult questions

Last night I started re-reading a book I finished only a few months ago. It is called "Faith Unraveled: How a girl who knew all the answers learned to ask questions." It is so good! SO GOOD! I don't necessarily agree with everything she says but I love how she wrestles with issues and asks difficult questions. I love how raw and honest she is. Reading her book makes me feel as though I am engaged in the conversation of a lifetime. The sort of conversation I have been longing to have for ages. The kind of conversation that most Christians shy away from. It is a conversation that thrills and terrifies me. There are so many passages in this book that echo the ponderings of my own heart and mind.

 

"No longer satisfied with easy answers, I started asking harder questions. I questioned what I thought were fundamentals - the eternal damnation of all non-Christians, the scientific and historical accuracy of the Bible, the ability to know absolute truth. and the politicization of evangelicalism. I questioned God: his fairness, regarding salvation,; his goodness, for allowing poverty and injustice in the world; and his intelligence, for entrusting Christians to fix things. I wrestled with passages of scripture that seemed to condone genocide and the oppression of women and struggled to make sense of the pride and hypocrisy within the church. I wondered if the God of my childhood was really the kind of God I wanted to worship, and at times I wondered if he even exists at all.

 

 But rather than killing off my faith, these doubts led me to a surprising new birth. To survive in a new, volatile environment, I had to shed old convictions and grow new ones in their place. I had to take a closer look at what I believed and figure out what was truly essential. I went from the security of crawling around on all fours in the muck and mire of my inherited beliefs to the vulnerability of standing, my head and heart exposed, in the truth of my own spiritual experience. I evolved, not into a better creature than those around me but into a better, more adapted me- a me who wasn't afraid of her own ideas and doubts and intuitions, a me whose faith could survive change.

 

While evolution on a broad, historical scale happens every now and then, evolution within the souls of individuals happens every day, whenever we adapt our faith to change. Evolution means letting go of our false fundamentals so that God can get into those shadowy places we're not sure we want him to be. It means being okay with being wrong, okay with not having all the answers, okay with never being finished" - Rachel Held Evans  from the book "Faith Unraveled".

 

What sort of response does this invoke in you? How does it make you feel?

Love

This little bean makes my heart burst with LOVE.
I can't get enough of his wriggly little body, his chubby little hands pulling fistfuls of my hair into his mouth, and his pterodactyl like noises. These days he is grabbing his ankles and stuffing his feet in his mouth, attempting to roll over and cooing at me. He LOVES anything that involves water. I can't believe that he is already five months old. I can hardly wait to feed him solids, which is a first for me. He grunts and growls and has the most amazing belly laughs. 
Oh how I adore him!

Christmas Decor 2014

A friend recently posted some lovely photos of her Christmas décor on her blog and it inspired me to do the same. Our tree has long since been taken down and nearly all of my decorations have been carefully packed away for another year. I am always a little sad when my tree gets crunchy and smelly as I love its presence in our home. *Sigh* Each year I try and decorate our home a little differently and I enjoy looking back at the changes over the years. The Christmas season is always so beautiful and fleeting and I love every minute of it.

 

This year the burlap ribbon and popcorn strings were a new addition to our Christmas Tree.

I picked up this little felt mistletoe from Target.

I strung our Christmas cards on twine strings in our hallway. They continue to bring me joy!

 

The girls and I made the swags from evergreens in our yard and my momma bought this tablecloth fro me from Ikea! We wrapped our gifts with a combination of leftover Christmas paper and brown paper with twine and ribbons.

Levi enjoyed sucking on our Christmas presents. He puts EVERYTHING in his mouth these days.

 

This lovely little writing desk with its newly upholstered seat cushion was my favorite place to perch during the Christmas season.  I spent many evenings writing Christmas cards and working on my December daily album here.

 

My girls  made all the lovely  snowflakes in our living room window.

*sigh*

 

Our master bedroom  was  decorated with a couple evergreen garlands, some sparkly snowflakes and a vase of fresh flowers.

 

 

The girls room was a frenzy of candy colors as usual.

 

 

 

 

They loved decorating their tree with all the ornaments we made at home as well as at school.

 

 

 The only room I neglected to decorate was my craft room. This year I wrapped the handrail on our staircase with a fresh handmade evergreen garland.. I was a huge mistake and not one I will repeat. There was dried cedar and sequoia EVERYWHERE! I couldn't stop our girls loved picking chunks off every time they went up and down the stairs. Silly girls! Nevertheless, our house smelt glorious!