Sometimes

This evening I escaped my house just before dinnertime to "run errands".

I needed a break from being interrupted and from feeling like my brain was atrophying. I needed to walk purposely without carrying an angry, thrashing toddler  in my arms, to eat without being asked to do something, to cry without worrying about someone else's feelings, and to accomplish something without being sabotaged by an avalanche of needs. I needed to not be responsible for dinner or the clean-up required afterwards. I needed to walk away.

So I did. I wearily climbed into my filthy, sticky car and drove away. With music blaring in my ears, I sobbed my heart out.  I let go. I raged and prayed and cried until I was spent. Then I pulled myself together and did my "errands". Afterwards I enjoyed a quiet , uninterrupted dinner of sushi and kombucha in the parking lot.

 Do you ever let yourself fall apart someplace safe?  Do you ever sob and yell in the car when you are alone? If you haven't, perhaps you should give yourself permission to.

I know that sometimes I just need the space to cry without worrying about anyone's feelings. Sometimes I need to growl in anger or yell at the top of my lungs without scaring anyone. Sometimes I just need to pour my heart out to God in prayer without waking the household. Sometimes, it is because I feel powerless as a mother, or a failure as a wife. Sometimes it is because I am  grieving, or frustrated, or burnt out. Sometimes it is just a culmination of many things that brings me to my knees.

I think that sometimes I have to break before I can feel whole. Sometimes I have to let myself FEEL instead of hiding from my emotions with various vices (social media, relationships, children, and food to name a few).  Sometimes I need to face those yucky feelings instead of shoving them into the deepest parts of myself. I also KNOW that I  should ALWAYS bring my frustration, hurt, brokenness, heartbreak, sorrow, grief and hatred to the feet of Jesus, but I often forget to do so until I am at my wits end.  Thankfully I know He can handle whatever I throw at Him, when I get around to doing so.  After I have spent myself I always have this sense that He cups my snotty, mascara stained face and whispers "beloved, I see you, I know you, and I love you"  and I can't help but return home softened, renewed and whole.
 

Quote of the day

 

 

"People would stand in line for days and pay hundreds of dollars if there were a pill that could do everything for a child that reading aloud does. It expands their interest in books, vocabulary, comprehension, grammar, and attention span." 
 - Jim Trelease

Mini Books: I Adore Old Things

I rarely scrapbook anymore and I can't remember the last time I made a mini book, but I thought it would be fun to share one I made years ago.

These Days: April

 

Longing

 to make these dark chocolate salted caramels

Enjoying
the Moroccan pillows on my couch (Holly, they fill me with joy every day)

Wearing
cutoff shorts from bootlegger , a bright orange tunic from "funk your fashion"

Blog Loving
Lindsay Bently and Lemon and Basil and A Holy Experience

Listening
 to king and country

Feeling
a bit antsy



 

Reading   

"Amity" by Nasreen Pejvack

Planning
on reading something by Ted Decker

 Enjoying
having a lighter duvet on our bed



 

Daydreaming
about lupines and foxgloves blooming in my garden
 

Making

a list of songs I want to learn how to play on my guitar

Eating

squirrely bread toast with sliced tomatoes, salt, pepper and asiago cheese

Learning

about the history of Iran

  

Struggling
to not devour the jar of Adam's peanut butter

Starting
to wax some pieces of furniture that have been languishing in my room half finished for AGES

Thinking
about an article entitled "Doula's Who Do Nothing"



 

Attempting

to work out six days a week

 Watching
 anything that remotely resembles a documentary
 

Wild and Free

 "In its complexity and sensuality, nature invites exploration, direct contact, and experience. But it also inspires a sense of awe, a glimpse of what is still "un-googleable" . . . life's mystery and magnitude." - Kim John Payne
 

"As soon as children find something that interests them they lose their instability and learn to concentrate."

- Maria Montessori

"There is nothing in the way of direct teaching that will ever have so wide an effect as the atmosphere of the home."

-Charlotte Mason

 

 

"Home is the best place for teaching many things, first and most important of which is how to think for one's self."

-Laura Ingalls Wilder

 

"Kids need time to be bored; that is how creativity is born."

- Melanie June Juneau

 

 

 

"The things a child sees are not just remembered; they form a part of her soul". -  Maria Montessori

 

 

 "Must we always teach our children with books? Let them look at the stars and the mountains above. Let them look at the waters and the trees and flowers on Earth. Then they will begin to think, and to think is the beginning of a real education."  -David Polis

 

 

 

All quotes found at  #wildandfree.co on Instagram. 

Family Walk: Neck Point

Our Saturday afternoon family walks have become the highlight of our week. Watching the children engage with nature is so satisfying.  Here are few photos from our family walk at Neck Point.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These Days: March

Enjoying
  planning what to plant in our vegetable garden this year
(peacock beans, heirloom tomatoes and arugula are at the top of my list)

Wearing
powder blue shorts from bootlegger, a sunny yellow shirt ( I refer to as my daffodil top) from ZARA, a necklace I ordered off Etsy and a navy cardigan from a  thrift store

Feeling
knowledgeable enough to start beekeeping
 

Reading
I AM WOMAN: A Native Perspective  on Sociology and Feminism by Lee Maracle, A Case For Christ by Lee Strobel,  For Her Own Good: Two Centuries of the Expert's Advice to Women by Barbara Ehrenreich, Raising Godly Tomatoes by Elizabeth Krueger (reading this with a large grain of salt).

Planning to read
Parenting Is Your Highest Calling: and Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt by Leslie Leyland Fields
 

 Enjoying
the new outdoor lights I purchased at Costco the other day.

 

Daydreaming
about acreage and a HUGE garden

Making
Pillows for my outdoor couches

Eating
cottage cheese and berries

Listening
The Wondrous Cross by Christy Nockels and trying to learn how to play it on my guitar

Learning
How to spend time with my husband in the evening instead of obsessing about everything else I "should be doing".

  

Struggling
 to get to the gym more than twice a week
 

Starting
to plan Levi's 2nd birthday

Thinking
about an article I read in Macleans's Magazine entitled "Did Jesus REALLY Exist".
 

Attempting
to build a booty by working on my Gluteus Maximus muscles
 

Watching
The Expandable's  On HGTV