It is hard to believe that I am thirty two weeks pregnant. I see my midwife every week from now on. At our last appointment I was given my home birth supply list and a bag containing chux pads, a peri bottle and a plastic sheet for our kind sized bed. Oh boy....
I was joking with a friend the other day I am getting "cold feet" about having a third. I am not afraid of labor but I am nervous about the days and weeks following the arrival of our third child. Am I going to be an emotional mess? Is Nathaniel going to step up the plate and take care of girls and the house the way I need him to? Is breastfeeding going to be a challenge? How am I going to cope with sleep deprivation? Claire has recently started sleeping through the night consistently over the past month and it has been wonderful. I am SO thankful that Nathaniel will be taking paternity leave and that Amelia will be starting kindergarten in the fall, but I know that those two changes will come with their challenges as well.
I am nervous about......
-Loss of control, not being able to meet my children's needs, missing out on things and feeling incapacitated. - Not have time to exercise or be creative
- The possibility of a colicky child and "purple crying"
- Having another child that does not sleep through the night until after the age of one, or in Claire's case, much later.
I am looking forward to .....
-Baby wearing and buying a new carrier (most likely a wrap)
-Breastfeeding and reading books. I can plow through books like nobody's business when given the opportunity.
- Being proactive about sleep training from an earlier age.
- Having my hubby's support for the first nine months. It feels like such an excessive luxury after only having had two or three days with each child in the past. hopefully we don't drive each other crazy.
- Running and working out at the gym
In the past I have been focused on my pregnancy and the birth, whereas this time around I am almost exclusively focused on the time after this baby is born. I have spent very little time thinking about labour and I don't know if I am even going to write a "birth plan". I have tremendous confidence in my body and my care provider and I am just looking forward to meeting my son. Wow, I still can't believe I am going to have a son! Wouldn't it be funny if it turned out to be a girl. Ha! It happens.
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