Wednesday, February 19, 2014

A new kind of marathon

I went for a run today. It was tough!
 As I slogged along, the "pregnancy weight" I have acquired over the past fourteen weeks, cursed me.
I didn't feel much like the marathon finisher I was a few short months ago, more like a pregnant women who just emerged from the haze of the first trimester.
Oh the joys of being "with child".
I  laugh at myself when I remember how I swore that this pregnancy was going to be my healthiest yet. So far it has been anything but. I am still eating green beans and boiled eggs for breakfast and I just polished off  a plate piled with quinoa, chicken, raw veggies and yam at dinner this evening.... but I would eat chips ALL DAY LONG if I could.... and pickles. Eating makes me happy, especially since my exhaustion has deprived me of exercising. Didn't I commute to work on my road bike until I was five months pregnant with Amelia? I am certain that I ran  
and did boot camp right up until the day I gave birth to Claire. 
Seriously, this pregnancy feels different. I am empathizing women that waddle, that don't want to move, that want to sleep ALL DAY.
 I miss the burn of a good workout. I miss feeling capable. I miss having my bras fit.

I want to eat even when I am full. Has that ever happened to you before?
It's like that feeling you get after eating a full  thanksgiving dinner but you still want a hefty slice of pumpkin cheesecake. You are bursting and yet you want to eat more. It's terrible!

Thankfully, I don't have any desire for fast food or even sweets for that matter. I want savory dishes.... fish tacos, pad Thai, my husband's kale and sausage spaghetti sauce, toasted sandwiches filled with avocado, bacon, cheese, and a fried eggs.
I am hungry now.
Thankfully, I have a membership at an amazing women's gym in town and I love their butt kicking classes. Now that I am in my second trimester I think I will have the energy to start going again. I signed up at the gym before I was pregnant because I knew that I would need someplace to go once the weather turned. I didn't expect my body to turn on me as well.
So, although my run was tough, it felt good to be outside in the sun,
listening to all the music that carried me through marathon training earlier this year. I am involved in a different kind of marathon now. I am no longer putting in three plus hour runs or doing hill repeats, but I am working towards something.
A child is being knitted together  in the darkness of my womb. I am creating fingernails and hair follicles, organs and complex brain matter. It's crazy! I have done this twice before, and yet it still amazes me.
Not only am I creating another child, I am creating a person who will not only fill my heart with love, but also impact the world in powerful ways. My heavenly father, the one that created me, has entrusted me with another eternal life. It is mind blowing, sobering, and inspiring. It makes the sleepless nights, frequent urination, childbirth and earth shattering post partum period worthwhile.
Hopefully I have what it takes to raise three children. *Huge sigh*
My heart is that they will be compassionate, curious, loving, servant-hearted, creative and love Jesus with all their hearts.
Oh ..... and that I will survive with my sanity intact.


Chris is a geek said...

it's all so amazing...I still gaze at our 3.5 week new born in awe. This is the baby we hoped for, prayed for, worried about when he was inside my womb and had to have an emergency ultra sound (all measurements etc., turned out to be ok), and here he is healthy, eating well, sleeping well...tiny fingers and toes. He's a miracle.

I am glad you are past the first trimester :) Praying for a healthy pregnancy for you :)

Chris is a geek said...

ack, forgot to sign my name! ~Caroline

Mrs. R said...

Beautiful post!

Mumsy7 said...

Jocelyn, I love reading your blog, it makes me ache for those days. Your honesty is beautiful! Although I struggled through every pregnancy, and the nursing took huge amounts of time and effort with each baby to figure out, you remind me of the blessings. Being pregnant, birth, being able to nurse each child, mothering a houseful of young ones, it's what fulfilled me most and continues to draw me. Cherish this time, give yourself grace to eat, not exercise the way you once did, and sleep when you need to. Growing a baby can be hard work. Huge hugs, Laura