The past eight days have been some of the most restful I have had in over three years. It has been such a blessing to have my husband home to take care of me and our household while I have been recovering from my long anticipated breast reduction. Not only have I ploughed though several books, but I have had time to reflect, to nap when the need arises, and to be present with my children. Nathaniel has happily tackled a million neglected household projects, built a lemonade stand, and planted our garden. We have slept in nearly every morning, eaten simply and took a trip to Port Alberni just before mother's day. I am still tender, a bit swollen and have to wear my sports bra 24/7 until I am fully healed, but I feel great. Thankfully I am able to shower but swimming won't be an option for me for at least a month. I can hardly wait to buy a new bra and bathing suit. It feel so incredible to have finally done something I have longed for since I was 15. I probably would have had surgery earlier if I wasn't concerned that it would effect my ability to breastfeed my children.
I saw my doctor on Monday and she indicated that they had taken more than a pound off my chest. She said that she could have taken off a lot more but I knew that my husband would have been devastated if she had. I am confident that running is going to be less of an ordeal and I won't have to wear three sports bras layered over one another. Today I tried on a beautiful raw silk dress that wore at a friend's wedding many years ago and rejoiced in the fact that I would not longer have to cleverly duck tape my breasts to wear it. I still feel giddy thinking about all the clothing that has suddenly become an option for me for the first time in twenty years.
My recovery has been much better than I anticipated. Sleeping was quite a challenge the first few days as I found it difficult to get comfortable sleeping on my back. After a week I was able to warp my limbs around a body pillow and sleep on my side. Nathaniel bought me two long ice packs and I used them a lot the first couple of days post surgery. My children have been very understanding and have given me lots of time to rest. I find myself smiling when I hear them yelling "dad" instead of "mom". Levi has been following Nathaniel around like a little puppy and has been happy to have his undivided attention.
While I have been looking forward to having surgery to alleviate the weight on my chest, I have also been anticipating the downtime it would provide. It's crazy that it takes having surgery to get some downtime. I have been reading through an incredible book my friend lent me called "Simplify" by Bill Hybels and reading it has brought me to tears countless times. The past two years have been the busiest we have had in our marriage and life only got nuttier when I started working two days a week. While I love our life, I know that I cannot sustain this pace forever without making some changes. I want to give my best self to my family and I often feel like they only get my "leftovers". I want to be able to help my daughter make cookies and strawberry lemonade for her lemonade stand instead of worrying about vacuuming the sawdust off the stairs because we are hosting connect group that evening. I want to take the time to read books with my children at night and scratch their backs instead of putting them to bed so that I can pack everyone's lunches, mop the floors, sign permission forms for school, put a load of laundry so that I can flop into to bed at a decent hour. I want to spend more quality time with husband instead of just managing the chaos together.
I think I am learning that I can't do it all, all the time. I am learning that relationships ARE MORE IMPORTANT than the state of my home, or how many items I can cross off my to do list. I am realizing that I need to prioritize time with my husband. That I need to be more intentional about scheduling date nights even if it feels like we don't have the time or the money to so. I know that I need to make my own self care a priority even when it feels like I don't have the time to do it.
I feel like I am still trying to figure out how to do this thing called "life". How to do it with all my heart, not fritter away my time on useless things, not obsess over mess, not place productivity over relationship. I recently read another book called "Present over Perfect" that reminded to cherish everyday and to stop doing SO MUCH. Just because I CAN do something doesn't mean I should.
So that it what I am doing now... figuring out how to slow down, simplify our lives, make self care a priority and let some things go. I have six more days until my regular life resumes and I plan to enjoy every last second, while preparing my heart and schedule for the days that follow.
Thank for all the love, support, prayers and flowers that have been sent my way. I am so grateful.
