Making room

I thought it might be pertinent to share a post I wrote some time ago - especially in light of all that has transpired in the past couple of weeks.  I initially wrote this blog post in November when I felt the Lord beginning to speak to me about homeschooling my children. I thought I would share a few of my journal entries and give you a peek into the internal dilemma I was having during that time.

November 15th, 2019

"While painting our walls I was listening to a podcast called "Courageous Parenting".  Every single podcast challenges me to disciple my children from a biblical perspective.  While I have not listened to all the episodes listened on their webpage, I have intentionally avoided one entitled “11 Reasons Why We Home School Despite Initial Doubts”. My initial thought was "NOPE I am done with that chapter in my life. I did my time"!  I knew that if I listened to what they had to say, I would agree with them. When I finally had to guts to push play, my suspicions proved correct. Oh help me Lord!"

November 20th, 2019

"I am often astonished at how much work is required to get everyone out the door at an appropriate time. I start the day at five am and feel as though there is heaps of time only to find myself breathing deeply when Levi is playing with his digger in the mud instead of buckling himself into his car seat. Lunches, socks, breakfast, hair, shoes, teeth, car seats, (deep breath), squabbling in the car, untied shoes, and a  forgotten backpack. I drop the children off at the bus stop, smooch them goodbye and apologize if I raised my voice. Afterwards I typically cry out of pure frustration or relief that I survived another morning. I then listen to REALLY loud worship music on my commute into work. I arrive at work wearing my big girl heels and suit and breath a sigh of relief as I settle into my work chair armed with a hot cup of coffee. Did I mention that I get to sit? All day.  I also get to think without being interrupted AND take an hour long lunch break. It's almost wrong that I get paid to do something that I am good at. In light of what I just wrote, it is ludicrous that that I am entertaining the prospect of homeschooling my children next fall - all three of them! I think that I am insane! 

December 15th, 2019

"I just dropped my kids off at the bus stop a few minutes ago and now I am sitting here with a cup of cold tea in hand, writing out a list of reasons why I should home school my children. My heart is in my throat. The very thought of being responsible for all three of my children’s education makes me want to burst into tears. It makes me want to slump against a wall and wail.  However, long ago I committed my life to serving the Lord.  I told Him that when he called me to something, I would obey. I want to live a life that is Christ led, not self led. I do however want quiet, space, time to pursue my hobbies, interests ect. I thought this was my year. I thought that I had “arrived”. All three children in school, Hallelujah! The first two months were all I had hoped that they would be: I worked, grocery shopped, helped my hubby renovate our fixer upper and even started trail running again- all without children underfoot with their relentless requests and interruptions. Bliss! I started to imagine all the things I could do once spring arrived. I was enjoying leading moms’ group and finally had time to adequately prepared for our discussions."

One day I was  having a rare day home alone when I to the song "Make Room" by Jonathan McReynolds. I had a huge realization: If I truly believe in God, believe that he knows what is best for our family and children, then who am I to question what He is asking me to do. If I believe that God calls us to instruct our children in His ways then I need to step out in faith and obey. When my faith is nothing more than theory, it isn't worth much. It's easy to say "trust God" until He actually asks you to sacrifice something you value.  I realized that I believe in ETERNITY that sacrificing a few years of my life to educate my children is an investment that could have eternal significance. It could be the difference between them choosing to serve God or not. I realized that I must MAKE ROOM for what is truly IMPORTANT and stop filling my life with what I think is important. I want to raise my children to KNOW the word of God, to store up scripture in their hearts, to see their parents live out their faith on an hourly basis, and to KNOW their purpose in life.  Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it". 

 I REALLY struggled with my decision to register Levi for school last summer. I KNEW school would be a challenge for him as I suspect that he has ADHD.   I had initially planned to keep Claire home for another year and teach Levi kindergarten but I chickened out.  I don’t believe that every mom should home school. I hold an intense respect and awe for mom's who have chosen to but I also feel sorry for them.  No breaks, no downtime, and SO MUCH PLANNING!!! While it sounds daunting I do believe that if the Lord calls you to something, you need to obey.  All sorts of interesting thoughts had been sloshing around in my heart and mind when I finally decided to listen to the podcast. 

Everything started to shift when I received my first call from the principal’s office a couple weeks ago.  My son had kicked another student. From there his behavior continued to spiral out of control.  My despair over his violent behavior began to pull me into depression.  I started to dread going to the school as the prospect of being seen as the mother of a bully.  I began keeping Levi home on the days I didn’t have to work and focused on spending quality time with him. 

My eldest daughter began experiencing bullying on the school bus and lost count of how many times she had been sworn at my a group of older boys after she stood up to them. She expressed frustration over being in a 4/5 split and not being challenged enough.

Claire is the only one who currently LOVES school.  Homeschooling her last year was HARD but not as hard as I thought it would be. While I struggled, I managed t bring her up to grade level in most subjects. We had to start at the basics and re-learn everything she had been taught. I remember how painful it was for her to write out the alphabet and numbers 1-100 when we first started. Now she loves multiplying numbers.  I am, however, concerned that she has a learning disability as her reading and writing are significantly delayed. 

In addition to all of the above I found myself becoming more and more frustrated with some of the things my children were being taught at school. I had to write a letter to the school to excuse my children from participating in yoga after discovering that it was something that they were exposed to on a regular basis. I kept it short and sweet and to the point. I find it so interesting that the school would incorporate ancient Hindu philosophy  and advocate “union with the Supreme Being” when singing about baby Jesus at a Winter school concert is no longer considered appropriate. Furthermore, I have issue with the  SOCI curriculum the school district is using. While I am passionate about treating people with dignity and respect I do not want my children being indoctrinated to believe that people can choose their gender based on their feelings. *Sigh*

Nevertheless, I said “yes” to the Lord and started to research curriculum, not knowing when he ask me to pull them out of school. I assumed that I would let them finish the school year and then begin the fallowing fall. I began to get really excited about a curriculum written by Rebecca Spooner. She is a RCMP member’s wife (like me), a Christian and prescribes to the Charlotte Mason theory of educating children. She created a fantastic curriculum called Gather Round which allows families to learn together.  I decided to order one of her unit studies to try out with my children over the Spring Break. I thought that it would be wise to see how it worked for our family  so that I could look for alternatives if it didn't. I ordered the North American birds unit just before Spring break and it arrived the day before the school announced that they would be closed for an indefinite period of time. My heart nearly exploded with gratitude that the Lord had prepared my heart in advance. God is good!