Posture of the Heart

I want THIS to be the posture of my heart as I navigate life. 

I have a subscription to a beautiful magazine called Wild and Free and when I pulled this particular issue out of the mailbox, I sighed audibly. 

This image captures the posture of my heart.

I love how her face is upturned towards the heavens, her body at rest. She holds a book of some ind in her hands. Is it is journal, a Bible? I don't know, but it symbolizes that she values wisdom. She holds it reverently. She is not striving but rather peacefully waiting.  She knows who she is. 

                                                       A woman who trusts in the Lord.                                                    

I want this to be the posture of my heart each and EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 

This is why I get up early each day- to sit at the feet of Jesus, to soak in His presence, to read His word and let His peace permeate my soul. To journal the things He speaks to my heart, to read  life giving words in His love letter to me. 

Life is crazy these days. There is so much that I could agonize about right now- but stress, anxiety and fear are not the answer. 

Waiting at the feet of Jesus is the only place I want to be. Because when THIS is the posture of my heart, the rest will sort itself out. 

I 

Make room for intimacy

How do we cultivate an atmosphere within the church that embraces people in their broken places? How do we create space for open, raw and vulnerable conversation about how hard life can be.  Lately I have found myself sitting at kitchen tables, hands wrapped around tea and witnessing hearts unravel. Witnessing loneliness and depression in its most crippling form.   

Let's just address the reality that being a Christian does not make you immune to pain, brokenness, heart break and despair. Sometimes it can actually make you lonelier because there is the unspoken expectation that you need to pretend that everything is fine.  Sometimes it feels like the church is full of "happy, shiny, unrelatable people" but I know that this is not true. I know that many are suffering silently. Let's not let that happen on our watch.  At connect group last night we were joking about difficult it can be to connect with people in a meaningful way at church when  your children are running circles around the building and impatient to get home and have lunch. There isn't time to adequately answer the question: "How are you" or have any conversation of substance.   Let's make more space for people to answer the question "how are you"? 

I think that is why I have become so passionate about small groups meeting together on a regular basis to share their hearts, sorrows, revelations, and food. We need community- especially after the mess of the past eighteen months. We need connection, vulnerability and physical closeness. Zoom cannot possibly replace the beauty of that. Our home isn't finished, in fact we are down to one unfinished bathroom, our deck is non-existent and our property currently smells but chicken poo. It's not about creating the perfect environment. It's about hospitality. It's about glorifying our Lord through the simple act of opening one's doors and saying "come as you are". Don't wait until your environment is perfect to welcome people into it. Welcome them into your renovation, counter piled with dishes and noise. We were created for community. If we rub shoulders enough, we can speak hope and life into another. 

I love that I have cultivated an environment of honesty in my relationships. It has come through sharing my own brokenness, of asking hard, uncomfortable questions and sitting with people in those hard uncomfortable responses. There is no room for pretending. If you want to be friends with me I am going to invite you into the beautiful world of vulnerability. Why? Because I believe that we are supposed to carry each other. We cannot possibly expect our spouses/partners to carry that burden alone. It is meant to be shared by many. We all have unique gifting's and experiences that can bring hope, encouragement, and life to people in the trenches of life. None of us are immune to the rigors of life, loss, depression, sorrow, grief, and disappointment. Life is rife with it. Let's stop pretending that our lives are Instagram posts. While there is a place for this.  I am more in favour of  rubbing shoulders, prayer, and intimacy in real time. 

Reluctant Homeschool Momma

Two years ago I was giddy with the prospect of sending all three of my children to school and having much anticipated time ALONE. I realized, however, that I wasn't willing to sacrifice my alone time for their welfare. My priorities had to shift when I realized that my hyperactive son was constantly in trouble,  that my middle daughter needed more academic support than the school could provide her and that my eldest daughter had been sworn at and threated  nearly every morning on the bus and at school. I grieved when I realized that they were not thriving, that I would have to give up my free time, that I would have to teach them. I was MAD and disappointed and felt like a failure. Why couldn't my five year son sit still in class and just pay attention, why did my daughter have such a significant learning disability, why were kids so cruel? I know that children endure these things and manage to overcome them, but I didn't want my children to just "endure" life. I wanted them to THRIVE!

We began our second year of homeschooling yesterday. Even as I type the words I find myself shaking my head and thinking, "how did I get here"? How on earth did I decide it was a good idea to be responsible for my children's education. It's almost laughable. It sounds illogical to take on such a task without any prior training. It's not easy, a popular choice, or financially benefiting but here I am,  confident that it is the best choice for this particular chapter in my children's lives. 

I was journaling this morning and reminding myself WHY I am homeschooling. When you choose to do something hard you need to have a good reason to spur yourself  on when certain things hit the fan.

To cultivate the hearts and minds of my children

To raise strong, resilient children who know who they are and are not defined by their peers. 

To help my children feel successful

To cultivate a love of learning.  

To give them time to pursue interests and passions

To reduce stress and provide them with a feast of literature, art, music and ideas to devour.

I am becoming increasingly aware that I cherish simplicity and an unrushed lifestyle. While homeschooling may sound more complicated than sending my children to school for the day; I prefer it to the the stress of contending with endless school emails, lunch kits, pick ups, drops off, extracurricular activities and the emotional fall out before and after school.

That being said, I going to try and share a little more of our homeschooling journey with you this year. It helps me to pause, reflect and appreciate where we have come from and where we are headed. I have no idea if anyone even reads my blog anymore, but I will write nonetheless.