This Bouquet

This bouquet whispers to me about courage, victory and overcoming defeat. It challenges me to persevere, grow, and believe. It reminds me that it takes time to cultivate beauty and that beauty is a worthy pursuit.

Last winter I when started sighing over seed catalogues and sobbed over the loss of yet another box of dahlia tubers that didn't make it through the winter, I considered giving up on what felt like a frivolous pursuit. I questioned my ability to keep up with seed trays and a planting schedule in light of many more pressing demands on my time and energy. And yet, I didn't. Instead I bought MORE seed trays, MORE dahlia tubers and carefully organized my seeds so that I knew exactly what needed to be planted where and when. I drew up garden plans according to sunlight requirements and purchased a ten year garden journal from Lee Valley to document my journey. I hurled myself into gardening with  fervor, planting a whole garden bed of dahlias from seed. I carefully potted up hundreds of snapdragons with a toothpick, presoaked sweet peas and carefully nurtured hundreds of seedlings all the while believing that I was insane to do so. I knew that there was no guarantee that it would amount to anything, and yet I pushed past this doubt because my soul longs for beauty as well as the  thrill of imagining something and bringing it to fruition. 

Each time I gathered an armload of tall, luscious, multi-hued blooms I would find myself musing -"what else can I cultivate"? What else could I succeed at? What else am I pouring my time and energy into that would produce so much loveliness. For me the obvious answer is my children.  Like those tedious snapdragons that took forever to amount to anything, I am beginning to see growth and beauty in  areas of my children's lives that has taken YEARS to nurture. Choosing to be home and labor alongside them in their formative years has not been an easy choice and there are days where my heart aches for other pursuits, but when I look at the fruit of my decision, I am overcome with gratitude that I have stuck with it.