Sunday, January 25, 2009

Awake at 3am

Okay, I have decided that I need to start writing more frequently, as I have only been blogging when inspiration hits or I am bored out of my mind. I started a blog after some of my distant friends sent me their blog links. It was lovely to hear their thoughts on a regular basis and see photos of their little ones growing. I am also enjoying reading blogs written by perfect strangers, especially when they include personal journeys, photos of beautiful homes and random rants.

I find that I blog when either A) I am awake at 3:00am in the morning and can't sleep - due to the fact that I am working graveyards four days of the week and my sleep schedule is all messed up or B) when I am working graveyards and there is nothing better to do. I will be going on maternity leave in four weeks and I am excited about the prospect of sleeping through the night. It will be short lived of course, due to the fact that I will soon be a first time mother of an infant that needs food and care on a frequent basis. Essentially, I guess I should be thankful for this "sleep deprivation training", as I have come to call it.

My husband is in the thick of the recruitment process towards becoming an RCMP officer and there is a strong possibility that he may be called to school in Regina in 8 to 12 weeks. While this is exciting news, it is also slightly terrifying. I can only hope that he will be around to witness our baby's birth and that he may have at least a week with us before he has to go. While the possibility of being a single mom for half a year doesn't thrill me, I realize that I'd rather him go now than when we have a couple children to contend with. My parents are incredibly supportive, and my sister recently had a baby so I will have lots of help and companionship. I am also strongly entertaining the prospect of going to Norway for awhile to visit my a girlfriend who recently had a baby. Her and I have always talked about wanting to raise our children together, so it would be nice to live that dream, even if it is only for a brief time. She lives in a lovely cottage in the forest near a charming town by the sea.

I realize that when I have a child my life will change. I don't think that I quite grasp the enormity of that statement just yet, but I think that I have a fairly good idea. Being a nanny for years and working with children has given me a good idea of what I have getting myself into, but I still think I am in for a shock. Right now I have so much time for myself, I can come and go at a moments notice and I can go to sleep whenever I feel like it. Soon I will be consumed with the needs of my child, packing a massive amount of things around with my and planning my outings around naps and breastfeeding. There have been times in my life when I have thought that I would never want to have children, due to this knowledge, but while I was traveling around the world I decided that I could handle those things and that I actually wanted them. Nothing good in life comes without some difficulty and work.

So now I am eight months pregnant and thinking about how I will retain some semblance of myself amidst baby blues, spit-up, chapped nipples and constant fatigue. This is what I have come up with:

1) Social: I will spend time with girlfriends with babies
2) Fitness: I will buy an wind trainer for my road bike so that I can get back into shape,in my own home, while my little one is sleeping.
2) Creative: I will scrapbook, something I am already doing fairly frequently, my trip around the world.... a slightly monumental task.
3) Rest: I will sleep when baby is sleeping even if there is mountain of dishes calling to me.
4) Outlet: I will blog my frustrations and hopes as I navigate the world of motherhood. I know that venting will help me keep my sanity.

How does this sound. Am I setting myself up for failure or does this sound reasonable and healthy. I would love to get some feedback.

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