Friday, June 17, 2011

Body image

I did a great Jari Love workout video this evening after I put my girls to bed. It felt good to sweat and feel my muscles burn. While I am huffing and puffing away I often want to stop, but when I finish what I start I feel so proud of myself. I know that I have been out of shape in the past and I always managed to get back into shape again with a little determination and dedication. I know that I need to loose at least 10 pounds to get back to my pre pregnancy weight. In the first few weeks after I gave birth to Claire, the pounds just melted away. Every morning I would step on the scale and marvel at how much I had lost overnight. While breastfeeding burns anywhere from 200 - 500 calories a day (hallelujah) I still need to workout if I want to get my body back into shape. I have been trying to watch calorie intake these days and have been focusing on portion control. I have never had a problem choosing healthy foods, but I often eat too much. I LOOOOOVE yummy food. The funny thing is that I like my body more now than I ever did before. I may not like how clothing fits me at the moment, but I feel more gracious towards myself, more loving. I don't look hatefully at certain parts of myself anymore... I see my imperfections and I think - "ahh that will be resolved in time and if it isn't that is okay". More than anything I want to feel strong and healthy. I don;t care about having a flat stomach or thin legs as much as I care about being able to run a marathon and do 20 "real" push-ups. I don't expect perfection but I do expect my jeans to fit me. I do, however, look forward to having a breast reduction and only having to wear only one bra. I have always wanted to wear a spaghetti strap sundress or bathing suit top without spilling out everywhere. I'm appreciative of the fact that my husband adores me just as I am. I think it is funny that he thinks I always look the same, although my form has most certainly changed over the years. I know that I will never be petite but that is okay with me. Even when I was in the best shape of my life I was still curvaceous. The above photo was taken in 2009 when Nathaniel and I were traveling in Thailand. Hmmmm, those were some good times.

1 comment:

Caroline said...

Hi Jocelyn,
I think it's good that you feel more gracious toward yourself! Good for you!