Our new means of transport

I never knew that buying a new vehicle could be SO stressful. In the past, Nathaniel and I have always bought inexpensive second hand vehicles, but we knew the time had come to buy something more dependable. Nathaniel and I had been thinking about getting a new or newer vehicle for some time, especially since our current means of transport was getting old and its repairs were more expensive than it was worth. Initially we had planned on buying a Toyota land cruiser from Japan, but then decided that it was going to take too long. After much deliberation, and research we decided on a 2010 Dodge Journey R/T AWD. It satisfied my desire for air conditioning, leather seats and enough room for two more children (should we choose to have more). We had entertained the possibly of getting mini van but I am just not ready to go there *yet* :0)

Here is a photo of my new wheels.



Today I finally got a chance to take it out for a spin on my own, and I sobbed my little heart out. It felt so good to blare the music, drive fast and let the tears and snot fly. I don't exactly know the source of my anguish but I do know that the process of buying this vehicle triggered me. I'm turning 29 in a matter of days and I feel like an adult. It is scary, unnerving, and heart breaking. I am not afraid of growing older. I am not afraid of grey hair, wrinkles, or the lovely wisdom that comes with time. I am afraid that responsibility, mommy hood, marriage, and life have taken their toll on me and that "I" have gotten lost in the chaos and intensity of it all. I'm afraid that I am no longer adventurous, fun, interesting, beautiful or outgoing. Letting go of our trusty 4 runner and all the great memories Nathaniel and I have had in it was really hard. In a way I felt like was surrendering my youth and freedom. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the fancy smancy new SUV/crossover in my driveway but I don't necessarily like what it represents. Not only that, Nathaniel and I have been debt free for so long that the mere thought of being in debt again gives me heart palpitations. Ahhh. I guess this is a part of growing up and I'll get used to it.