Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Thoughts on motherhood

Today I was rolling out some pastry for my hubby's favorite chicken pot pie when I started thinking about my role as a homemaker. For some reason I used to think that being "just" a homemaker was unfortunate, and to some extent a form of drudgery. It is amazing how much my perspective has changed since then. I never would have imagined that I would embrace my role as a mother and a wife with such devotion. I still have dreams outside my sphere as a mother, which I think is important, but, I will never let those dreams detract from my "first loves", my family. Truthfully, a career would probably feel more fulfilling, and in some regards, easier than motherhood most days, but I know that there is value in being home for my girls.

Motherhood is punctuated with such intense highs and lows. One minute I am filled with an almost euphoric love for my children, and the next minute I am ready to run screaming from the house like a maniac. Some days are blissful, like today, while others leave me aching emotionally as well as physically. Today was one of those *blissful days*. The sun shone brightly on the snow laden trees outside our home. Claire had two decent naps while Amelia spent the day outdoors with her dad. I baked a chocolate cake from scratch, made dinner, worked on a frame for my favorite world map (which is not yet ready for its big reveal), all the while listening to my favorite music. My home remained relatively tidy, my daughters played happily with one another, dinner was served without any tears, my hubby did the dishes and then read a storey to Amelia while I nursed Claire to sleep. A good day.

Other days are not so good. A bad day generally begins around 5:30 with a baby that is no longer interested in sleeping and intent in yanking every last strand of hair out of my head. After being awake half of the night, my feet hit the floor and I feel like death. Picture a lot of crying, dishes piled in the sink, -30 weather outdoors(so taking a walk is not an option), a dog that keeps eating Amelia's toys, pees on the curtains and repeatedly knocks Claire over, a VERY whiny toddler that ends up spending the majority of the day in time out and a teething baby that wants to be carried ALL day long . To top it all off, when I feel like my head is going to explode, I get a phone call from my hubby telling me that he is going to have to work a double shift. That is a very bad, terrible, no good day. And yet, some how, the good days, make the rough days worth it.

The picture at the top of this post epitomizes the joy that my children bring me, but I don't have a photo that illustrates the frustration and utter despair I often experience. If I did, (have a photo), it would be a picture of me slumped on the floor in my room, with my back against my bedroom door, sobbing my heart out. Motherhood, truly, is the most difficult job in the world. So take heart mothers. You are doing an incredibly valuable thing. You are shaping hearts and lives and moulding small humans into compassionate, loving, God fearing adults.You are making an impact and you WILL survive! Motherhood is IMPORTANT and WORTH IT!

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