Friday, January 13, 2012

An epiphany

I had an epiphany the other day. I was helping Claire out of her snowsuit and Amelia started kicking and screaming in frustration because she couldn't get her boots off. I knelt down beside her and said "if you are having a hard time, please ask mommy for help". I have probably said something along these lines a hundred times over the course of any given week, but for someone reason, in that moment, it struck a cord in me. How many times have I been at my wits end, throwing a temper tantrum either externally or internally when all I needed to do was ask for help. I am not good at asking for help. Why was it so easy to explain to my daughter the importance of asking for help, but so difficult for me recognize the inability to do so in my own life. It is because of pride, my fierce sense independence, my desire to do everything perfectly, and my immense fear of failure. Asking for help requires a person to realize that they can't do it, that they are unable, and that they are in over their head. Those are things that I don't like to admit, not to myself or the people closest to me like my husband and God (for goodness sake). Instead I often choose to freak out and have a temper tantrum like a two and half year old. Can anyone relate? In any case I am s.l.0.w.l.y learning how to let that crap go. I am still stubborn much of the time, but having a second child and having guests stay in my home has forced helped me to "get over myself". I am learning to appreciate the fact that I am not a one woman show, that I can't keep everyone happy, the house clean, meals on the table, and remain sane without asking for help once and awhile.

On a completely different note I don't know about other people, but when I find a song that I love I could play it to death. Right now that song is "Come to Me" by Jenn Johnson. It speaks to all the innermost bits of my soul and reminds me what a good God I serve. If you want to check it out, here is a link to her singing it on youtube. Tiffany - thank you for the recommendation.

1 comment:

The Stiffs said...

Yes, I can relate!! Sometimes I find myself responding to E in exactly the same way that he is responding to a situation. For example:
E: (in an irritated, whiny voice that is one octave too high) MOM, this X is not working!!
Me: (in an impatient, tense voice) Well, stop freaking out about it! Just do XYZ and it'll be fine.
HAHA. He's freaking out and so am I! Motherhood is worth a chuckle sometimes. It IS hard to do the things we tell our kids to do: clean up after ourselves, be patient, eat healthy, love your neighbour etc.

Anyways, I love how much you are blogging these days. It's so great to hear about your thoughts and activities. And, glad you like the song!!