2017 Christmas Letter

Hello Friends and Family,

I don’t know about you, but this year just FLEW by! In January we took an epic trip to the big island of Hawaii with extended family. It was nice to leave the cold and spend two weeks frolicking in the waves, exploring the jungle, swimming and enjoying paradise. We stayed in a lovely home perched on the mountain overlooking the ocean. On any given day we picked oranges, grapefruit, coconut and passion fruit. We saw plenty of turtles and Amelia and I managed to spot a mantra ray while snorkelling together.

We attempted to buy twenty two acres in Port Alberni with my parents this year but had to walk away when the seller had a change of heart.  We were heart broken. We still long to buy acreage where we can keep Nate’s bees, expand our garden and possibly keep sheep and chickens, but we are content to remain in Nanaimo until that time comes. In the meantime, we are thrilled that my parents have purchased a home on the island.  Nathaniel harvested over 370lbs of honey from his hives this year! Amelia kept her own hive this year and was overjoyed to be able to bottle her own honey under the name “Busy Bee Honey”. We are still gardening at the five acre farm down the road and this year we enjoyed growing watermelon and pumpkins in addition to heaps of cherry tomatoes, beans, kale, potatoes, brussel sprouts and lettuce. We are continuing to lead a connect group on Wednesday evening’s and I am leading a mom’s group on Thursday mornings. I have learned what a joy it is to have a home filled to the brim with people.

This summer we camped on Gabriola Island for a week while our children went to Vacation Bible School in the morning. In the afternoon we went cliff jumping, paddle boarding and swam in the ocean until we were prunes.  A week later we headed to Sointula with the Dodds family and enjoyed a week of beach combing, crabbing, cycling, hiking and eating  LOTS of good food. Other than that, we stuck close to home and spent our days swimming in the river and picking berries.

Nathaniel is enjoying his work on the bike unit and was happy to have his position extended for another year. He will be taking a short break in January to have ankle surgery. To his delight he was able to shoot a four point buck with his bow this winter and has enjoyed taking the girls  duck hunting.  I am still working as a Birth Doula, and have supported a few clients this year.  In the spring I applied for security clearance with the RCMP and began my training to become a victim service worker. Since I completed my training I have begun working at the detachment two days a week.   Amelia is eight now and throughly enjoys playing soccer, drawing and playing with her friends. The highlight of her summer was catching four baby bunnies.  Claire is throughly enjoying gymnastics and spends the majority of her day upside doing handstands or swinging around the makeshift uneven bars that Nathaniel constructed for her in the backyard. She is in grade two this year. Levi is three and attending preschool two mornings a week. He has become quite chatty and spends hours playing with his trucks regardless of the weather. I had no idea I could love a little boy so much!

We hope that this letter finds you well. May your heart be filled with love as we celebrate the birth of love itself!

Love the Lord Family! (Nathaniel, Jocelyn, Amelia, Claire, and Levi)

Currently: November

Listening 

My new black skinny jeans, knock off pearl earrings and a plaid button up. 

Eating

sliced bananas topped with Adams peanut butter,  walnuts and cinnamon. It's totally my favorite snack these days.

Looking

forward to making some coconut macaroons that I tried at a birth a couple weeks ago. They were incredibly delicious and satisfying. 

Talking

 about SEX... this morning it was the topic of discussion at our mom's bible study group. I am leading the group this year so I get to pick the topics, and if you know me... you know that "sex" is one of my favorite topics :0)

Starting

to write my annual Christmas letter. This past year has been such a whirlwind. 

Fighting

the beginnings of a cold. I felt a tickle in my throat when I woke up last night for the millionth time to cuddle Levi back to sleep as he has been quite sick. I almost ALWAYS get a wretched cold in December. 

Working

on my chin ups. I am determined to be able to do 10 in a row by Christmas. 

Planning

a getaway to Victoria with my hubby to celebrate 14 years of marriage. 

Listening

to Chris Tomlin's ADORE CD on repeat. 

Hoping 

to spend less this Christmas.

Thinking

 about taking the kiddos to the" Ladysmith Light Up" tonight. 

My heart's cry

The lyrics to this song echo my hearts cry these days.........

"Trust In You"

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I've tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You're by my side

When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There's not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There's not a place where I'll go, You've not already stood

When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!

Currently: September

Photo Credit (Jessica Landry)

Reading

Les Miserables.

It is such a  heart wrenching incredible account of humanity and the power of grace. 

Hiking

Mount Benson with a bunch of girlfriends. 

Wearing

a pencil skirt, a polka dot cardigan, and my pretty feather earrings made from upcycled bicycle tires

Volunteering

at the Nanaimo RCMP  detachment providing Victim Services a couple mornings a week. It is all kinds of awesome.

Eating

 a homemade to die for dark chocolate peanut butter cup (thank you Nicole Zult)

Waking 

up between 5am-6am most mornings  so that I can get my workout and devotions done before I wake my children up. This is a huge departure from the summer when I rarely rose before 8am. 

Pining 

for a pair of dark black "made in Canada" yoga jeans from Cayo Fashions. I already purchased a pair of cross fit runners and some dreamy kilm pillows for my couch so I will have to wait another month or so for those delicious jeans

Living

without a microwave since ours crashed to the ground a couple weeks ago when the shelf holding it snapped. I really haven't missed it at all. 

Trying

to secure childcare for Levi two days a week (feels like mission impossible)

Filling 

out strong start forms, police record checks and my big happy planner

Trying

to motivate myself to edit and upload some pictures from the summer for this blog. This is my first attempt at  blogging in ages.

Ordinary Days: Part 2

It's only breakfast but I'm already grubby

The day I dropped a knife and it cut my foot.

A fat lip and a snotty nose.

I can't believe how much dirt comes off this boy.

My counters pretty much everyday

Gum covered toys 

Levi managed to achieve this is 15 minutes.

Currently: July

Reflecting

on what an incredible summer we have had so far and that we still have a whole month left!!!

Looking

forward to going camping at Upper Campbell Lake.

It was one of my favorite places to camp as a child and I look forward to building more memories there with my children.  

Longing

for more quiet and peace in our household.. sometimes I feel like I am raising wild animals instead of children.

Feeling

far too relaxed.... the state of my house can attest to that fact

Enjoying

sleeping in, eating fruit for dinner and going swimming at various water holes everyday around 4:00pm

Wearing

 a navy blue swimsuit dress, a fedora from value village, black feather earring, and  a pair of gladiator sandals.

Eating

Way too many cherries

Longing

for the motivation to go to get up earlier so I can have some much needed "quiet time".

Listening

to some old CD's in my car (Bethany Dillion, Leland, and Nicole Nordman)

Wishing

I could get to the kiddos to bed earlier. It is ridiculous how late their bedtime has gotten.

Working

on the last section of our yard. We have hauled two trucks loads of dirt but have to wait until mid August to get sod.

Thinking

about my hubby as it is his birthday today and he is in the interior doing relief work.

Picking

lots of blueberries. Yesterday we picked over 50lbs at a "U Pick" farm.

Trying

not to waste what little of the evening I have surfing the internet. I  would rather sit on my deck under my patio lights with a book  or play dress up in my closet.

Currently: June

Loving

my new eyelashes from a salon/spa in town called House of Kiyo.

Neglecting

to deal with my email inbox. I currently have 2042 unread emails. Gah!

Wearing

my favorite jean and lace cut-offs from bootlegger, a sheer pink tank top and a first nations inspired beaded necklace.

Daydreaming

about the regimental ball I went to in Victoria with my hubby this past weekend

Looking

forward to spending lots of time at the river

Enjoying

my new earrings made from bicycle tires by Rose Pedals Jewelry

Anticipating

a birth

Planting

white and blue delphinium's in my front garden

Trying

to scrapbook my December Daily album.... in June

Planning

out my summer

Hoping

I have the resolve to keep eating clean through the summer

Deeper Things: Love

I don't know how old I was, maybe eight or nine, but I remember picketing with my grandmother in front  of an abortion clinic in Ontario one summer. At the time, I didn't really understand what we were doing, but it felt purposeful. I don't remember what the sign I was carrying said, but I remember walking in circles around the clinic. I remember thinking that my grandmother was a warrior and I admired her passion and her fearlessness. While I admire her immensely  I couldn't fathom doing something like that again. Not because I am afraid , I'm pretty fearless, but because it isn't loving.

Furthermore, I  don't think that's how Jesus would have handled things.

As much as abortion makes my heart ache, Jesus gave humanity the freedom to make choices whether they are life giving or otherwise. We are not responsible for others actions but we have been called to love. Period. Being loving means supporting someone when they decide to make the decision to terminate an unwanted pregnancy, love means walking them through the heartache and speaking life and hope and grace into their lives.

I understand righteous indignation, I understand wanting to save babies lives, but I don't think that we will ever achieve that through shaming, condemning or pointing

fingers.

As a Doula, I am passionate about providing women with information so that they can make informed decisions about their pregnancy, birth and postpartum. My job to is prepare women and then support their decisions along the way. My job isn't to dictate a women's journey so that she achieves my vision of a "dream birth". My job is to help her feel supported and empowered regardless of how her birth unfolds.

I think this is how we need to approach women with unwanted pregnancies. They need to know what their options are, and have support regardless of the choice they make. They need to have the facts but they also need to feel supported regardless of what  they choose. That's why I love our local

Crossroads Pregnancy Center. They are an amazing non profit facility that does just that. They offer free pregnancy tests, options counselling, post adoption support and counselling, miscarriage support, parental support and counselling, and free baby supplies. They are amazing!!!!

If you would like to partner with crossroads pregnancy center you can support them by clicking HERE.

Deeper Thoughts" "Who do you say that I am"?

I often like to listen to worship music when I am cooking dinner or washing a mountain of dishes at the end of the day. It drowns out the sound of my children bickering and helps keep my heart in the right place. A couple months ago, I was listening to music on spotify when "Let it be Jesus"  by Christy Nockels started playing. I suddenly found my heavy heart springing to life.

In that instance, my heart was particularly heavy, especially in the wake of

reading a book called "How Jesus became God" by Bard D. Ehrman. It's a book that I have wanted to read ever since I spotted it at chapters a couple years ago. It deals with a difficult and intimidating topic but one that I have been thinking about researching for some time.

Some people are able to accept things easily, but for some reason, I continually wrestle with my faith and beliefs. Perhaps it is because one time a  friend said "maybe you believe what you believe because you want to it to be real so badly". Nevertheless, I  find myself continually examining my beliefs, weighing them, testing them and ultimately, challenging them. I refuse to believe something just because I have been told to or because I "should".

The topic of Jesus is one that I am heavily invested in. Why?

Who Jesus IS MATTERS to me. It is the crux of my faith. If Jesus is not God, it changes EVERYTHING. If Jesus is not 'the visible image of the invisible God", then my understanding of who God  is, is flawed and incomplete. It means I only have half the picture. It means that the only aspects of God that I know are those that are demonstrated in the first half of the Bible.  It means that we have not been liberated from the old system that was in place during in the Old Testament among MANY other things.  If Jesus is not God, then I am following someone who was either delusional or skilled at convincing people that he was God.

Many people believe that he was a good man, a prophet, or a teacher. Others believe that Jesus was Satan's brother, a glorified man, wise man, or an apostle of God.

In Mark 8:28 Jesus asks, "Who do you say that I am"?

Now that is a powerful question!

This morning I was listening to "Barabas" from Judah Smith's "Jesus_Is" project and I found myself captivated by the following phrase....

"Could it be that there's a God with a love so scandalous, so wide, so deep, so vast, so high, so expansive, so welcoming and so inclusive…? "

Could there be a God with a love so scandalous?

Most people don't think so. Most people either think that if there is a God, he is cruel, uninvolved or non-existent. There are times when I am tempted to believe that....but then I remember who Jesus is.
Jesus shows us that God is involved, intimately acquainted with us and ever present. He lived in our shoes, ached, experienced hunger, and ultimately sacrificed his life for ours.

If I truly believe that Jesus is God, I am ALL in because who wouldn't want to follow someone with a love so scandalous.

These days some of my most profound moments with God happen the gym. Sweaty, grunting and panting through my workout, I find tears gliding down my cheeks, I find my heart wrenching and softening ....becoming putty in His hands.  I find myself relinquishing everything that burdens me.

What I love the most, is that these moments happen in a sweaty gym,  over  sink of dirty dishes,  and in the throes of making supper for tired, cranky kids.

They are profound, undeniable and  startlingly beautiful.

Finally!

This past week I FINALLY figured out how to take the kind of photos I have been longing to take. 

It's sounds silly to admit this, after having owned a digital SLR for over seven years, but I have been terrified of shooting on M (manual).  I couldn't for the life of me, wrap my head around  how the ISO, shutter speed and aperture worked together.  For some reason, everything finally clicked.

I am doing a happy dance over here.

Wide open Spaces

This weekend we finally got around to weeding, weedwacking, and prepping our garden beds. We had our work cut out for us. We have twice as much garden space as we have had in previous years, so we are looking forward to growing squashes and possibly even some watermelon. I intend to grow an obscene amount of cherry tomatoes.

Nate's hives suffered over our long cold winter but have improved in the past month. He built a ton of bee keeping equipment over the winter and I'm glad he did, otherwise we would have had a few hives swarm already. The tall hive on the far left side of this photo is one of the most aggressive he has ever had.

Being able to keep our bees and have a garden on this lovely five acre farm has been such a gift. There is no way that we would be able to grow vegetables in our shaded back yard. Perhaps one day, God permitting,  we will have a property with lovely rolling hills like these.

Being able to spend time at farm has also been a gift to our children. While we enjoy hiking and exploring in the many parks in our community, it is nice to have wild, open spaces a two minute walk from our house. In the winter the children sled on the hills and in the spring the girls spend hours at the pond catching frogs. In the  summer  they spend hours catching snakes, cuddling chickens and foraging in our garden.

Celebrating the ordinary: May

Being without a camera for three months made me think about the things and moments  I am drawn to photographing and ones I avoid. I like capturing moments that bring me joy and avoid the uncomfortable, messy moments that compose the majority of my day. I want to change that. I want to start celebrating the ordinary. I want to get better at being present in the less than glamorous moments- you know, the downright crummy ones. So am going to start taking pictures of my disastrous laundry room, the fight to get the children out the door on time, the meltdowns, the tears, the time outs and other moments that make up my ordinary life. I want to remember those moments as well as the lovely moments. I want to capture and celebrate my world in its entirety.

Climbing under our deck.

We have come a long way in the hair brushing department but it can still be quite tedious.

Walking home in the sun turns my five year old into a puddle of despair. She was actually thrashing and yelling at the top of her lungs. I am so glad that Levi was paying such close attention. *sigh*

Okay, so this photo makes my heart feel a little mushy, but the truth is,  my naked son is sitting on our kitchen table for the zillionth time despite being told not to.

 Grocery shopping. We all do it. It's life.

Another meltdown.

After watching  YouTube tutorial about how to de-tangle doll hair, my girls tried it out. They destroyed the bathroom.

A very dirty entryway and a little man who wants "up" every other minute.

Motherhood

Motherhood. 

A gift. A life changing commission.  

It will wreck you in a thousand ways

and then turn you into mush.

It will stretch your body and your patience past what you thought possible all the while

revealing your inner ugliness as well as your boundless love.

It will challenge your expectations, hopes, fears and values and force you to surrender

everything.

You will experience every emotion known to mankind while you navigate its uncharted waters, grasping at lifeboats as they float by.

It is intense, it is lifelong, it is eternal.

It is one of the most incredible gifts you will ever receive.

Hang in there mommas!

Currently: May

Planning

on ordering a new camera this week. It took me awhile, but I finally decided on the Nikon D7200 with a Nikkor 35mm  f/1.8 lens. Initially I thought would purchased a full frame DSLR but then decided otherwise when I borrowed a friend's camera and it was a dream to use. Furthermore, I
am not a professional photographer and I don't have unlimited funds. I  really wanted something that could handle low light situations and be compatible with my other lenses. The D7200 fit those requirements.

Painting
an old headboard that I found on the side of the road... its been a work in progress for a couple weeks now. I used to finished a piece of furniture in a couple hours... now it takes me a couple months.

Working
on a birth preferences sheet for a client I will be supporting next month.

Learning
about  victim impact statements and the healing they can bring to those who have been victimized.

Dreaming
about the day that Levi sleeps through the night consistently, doesn't want to be held 24/7 and will allow someone other than me to do things for him.

Longing
for rolling green hills, dogwood trees and river views

Designing

my dream home (if we ever build one) using a program called floor planner.

Eating
roasted yams and brussel sprouts. No one else in my house likes either of them so I get to have them all to myself.

Wearing
Dark blue denim jeans from H&M, a colorful blouse from bootlegger and earrings from a cute shop downtown.

Thinking
about how isolating depression can be

Listening
Amanda Cook's album "Brave New World"  on Spotify. It is so good, so powerful and so uplifting that I wish I could play it at full volume every.single.day. The music, the worship and the lyrics always carry me to beautiful places.
*sigh*

Picking
armloads of lilacs at all my favorite spots. Over the years I have found spots in my community where they hang over fences or grow in abandoned lots. I love the deep purple and white ones. Their fragrance is intoxicating.

Quote of the day

" If we could learn how to balance rest against effort, calmness against strain, quiet against turmoil, we would assure ourselves of joy in living".

- Josephine Rathbone

Instagram Saturday: Birth

A couple days ago I received an email from Photobook Canada reminding me that the voucher I had purchased was about to expire. I had initially planned to make Claire a photobook for her birthday, but then had forgotten to collect all the photos from the past six years of her life to do so. Opps! I didn't want to waste the voucher so I decided to make a photo book from Levi's birth. I had meaning to put all the incredible images that Nancy had captured the day Levi was born, but hadn't gotten around to it. It took maybe about forty five minutes to make something that I will treasure forever.

I decided to share one of the images on Instagram. The caption reads:

"I finally got around to making a photo book of Levi's birth. It was the most challenging birth of my three children but incredible nonetheless. I loved bringing him into the world
 surrounded by my amazing team. I love that my children were able to witness the birth of their little brother. I love that I live in a country that allows women to choose where and how hey want to give birth. While I am finished having babies, I am honored to support women as they bring their babies into the world. #thejoysofbeingadoula#empoweredbirth#choices#rawrealimages#midwivesrock"

If you would like to see more images from that incredible day you can view them here.

No matter

"No matter how chaotic it is, wildflowers will still spring up in the middle of nowhere."

- Sheryl Crow

It's been awhile....

Sometimes I wonder if my blogging days are over. It seems like the only time I get to sit down is to eat or pay bills, so finding time to sit still and write feels nearly impossible. I find myself asking "what purpose does blogging serve" when I  have so little time as it is? The thing is, I like to write. I like to  share my musings with the world, especially since my "role" in most relationships is that of a "listener". I'm not much of a "talker". I swear my husband has a larger "word quota" than I do. When my hubby gets home from work I am more likely to retreat to my room for some much needed quiet time than talk about my day.

Part of reason I haven't posted much is because I don't feel like I any "pretty pictures to post". Since my lovely DLR met an untimely end in Hawaii, all I have are grainy, out of focus photos taken on my

iPad. *sigh* Needless to say, life marches on with  all its joy, upheaval, tears, triumphs, hopes and mundane moments. Here are a few recent snapshots from my life.

Enjoying a lovely evening at our Church's 20th anniversary

Cleaning out the shop while Levi enjoys some coveted time on Nathaniel's dirt bike.  

 Taking an impromptu bath in my kitchen sink... by himself.

Amelia turned eight and invited WAAAAY too many people. I survived. Barely.

Early morning sweetness with this sweet boy

My eldest got her ears pierced!!!!

This little man stopped taking naps in January, except for the occasional snooze while watching his favorite show.

Visits with sweet friends

Beekeeping with my husband. Notice Levi in the tree behind him. We stuck him in it to keep him away from the cranky hives.

Watching daddy prune a local apple tree.

A typical breakfast: Omelette, bell peppers, avocado and some wasa rye crisps. 

Just a typical meltdown... every day... multiple times a day...

Finding beautiful spots in my neighbourhood that refresh me

Who knew that clam digging could be SO FUN!!!

Both sets of grandparents at the same table. My heart is FULL!

Love watching these men whip up incredible food in the kitchen. 

SPRING!!! 

Saying goodbye to daddy as he heads off for a week of tactical training.

Thoroughly enjoying all the gold I have been finding at value village.